Early this morning, my sister and I got a phone call from our mother. Early morning and late night phone calls are never good. She called to tell us that my son's half-sister had died from a drug overdose last night. Not much else was known, but an autopsy was being done. I called my son to tell him the news. The following is what he wrote in his blog on Yahoo after hearing the news. I thought I would share it with my friends, family and others who read my blog. My heart goes out to him and the family. She left behind a 2-year old daughter.

From my son:

There are many ways to awaken. The sound of a ringing phone is not one of my favorites. Not when it's your mother on the other end asking you to sit down. Not when you learn that your 21-year-old half sister died last night of a drug overdose.

I didn't know her that well. My memories of her span from a 2 year old who loved her brother even though I considered her a nuisance at the time, to 9 years old with a week's worth of memories that coincide with the last time time I saw my father, to 19 as she holds her baby girl and we're little more than strangers, but she still gave me a hug goodbye as she left.

Relatives that knew her better kept telling me I wasn't missing much, but I was. I missed out on being a brother, on so many memories, on being a proud Uncle. I may not have liked her as a person, but I know I loved her as a sister.

What hurts the most is that I won't be able to attend the funeral, to pay my respects, and comfort my family. Never before have I felt so isolated. I feel so angry that the one person who could help me get there won't because of expense. I have to be 'understanding' but inside I'm raging.

Maybe the worst is knowing I'll be ok. I'm not grieving like her mother or her sister. I feel so horrible that I'm not devastated. I'm sad. I almost broke down in tears once it finally sunk in, but I know I'll be fine. I'll have a good cry, scream about missing the funeral, and genuinely feel sorry that I wasn't a better brother. My rational mind knows it works both ways. She could have tried to be a better sister, but I can't think that way right now. All I can see is what I should have done better, that I should have tried harder.

But I'll be ok and right now that sounds so awful.

I have asked family members on both sides to keep me informed of any proceedings. I already plan to hold my own private remembrance at the time of her funeral if I can't attend the real one.

To my friends and family, please be careful. You mean so much to me and I don't wish to lose you as well.

Goodbye Danielle. May you find the peace you couldn't find here.

Here it is, February already. Been smoke free now since Nevember 2007. Amazing, huh? I can't believe it! Still crave one every now and then, but it passes rather quickly. My sister and I will comment on it and then kind of laugh about it and go on with whatever we were doing.

February is a pretty big month for me. My son, my sister, two of my best friends all have birthdays in February and then there is Valentine's Day. Oh, and my dad and his brother have a birthday in February. Theirs is on the 8th. Everyone else I mentioned is on the 9th. So, Annie, Allen, Ed, and Jan.... Hope you all had a great birthday on the 9th. Dad and Uncle Jerry, hope yours was great on the 8th.

This year I have reason to celebrate Valentine's Day. With the love of my life in my life, that is plenty of reason to celebrate. At least in my opinion it is. lol Although we'll be miles apart, I know we will both be in each other's thoughts all day, if not all month. lol I love him dearly and will miss him dearly on Valentine's Day as I won't be able to give him anything special like a hug or kiss. Oh well, though, right? There will be other holidays to celebrate together once we are together, right? I keep looking ahead to those times.

I will try to make it back here on Valentine's Day to wish everyone a good one. Until then, everyone of you take care of yourselves and your loved ones.

Brightest Blessings to all!

...that when you try to quit doing something, like smoking, everything aggravates you? That when you are aggravated, it seems everyone and everything around you is trying to aggravate you more? That the more aggravated you get, the more you want to take someone's head off? Anger begets violence? I can see why.

Everyone in the house, all the adults that is, is trying to quit smoking. We've all taken our turns at different methods in order to try and quit without all the "pains" of withdrawal. All to no avail. What seems to work for one doesn't work for another and after awhile, seems to quit working for the one it WAS working on. Tried the gum, the lozenges, wellbutrin, chantix and now patches. None of it gets rid of the craving, has some serious side effects and does nothing for the "mood swings" you seem to get when you don't get that nicotine fix. My tongue is going to be really sore or gone by the time this is all said and done! I've been biting it for so long now in order to not bite someone's head off that I'm sure it's raw by now.

At least I have my sense of humor. Doesn't do much for the others except maybe take their minds off their cravings for a moment or two. Sometimes, that's all you need is a moment or two and then the craving is gone and you can go on about your business. But it's all those moments in a day that get to you, all those moments when you want a cigarette. My sister said some years ago she ran across some places in the South that actually sold cigarettes singularily. That's a cool idea and I wish they did that everywhere! Sometimes, all you need is one to get you through the day. I suppose though, one can lead to two and then three and so on, but when you're trying to quit, one would do.

I should do some research and find some herbs to help us cope. I'm sure there are some out there. We don't want something we have to smoke, I have those, but rather something you can make a tea out of or maybe even a capsule. I'm just too aggravated at the moment to any type of research. LOL Not to mention, I've got some homework I need to be doing and I can't concentrate on that right now either, which is also adding to my aggravation. I can't wait for all this to be done and over. Now is the time you wish you had never started smoking in the first place.

Another aggravating thing....I had quit before for about 2-3 years and then started back up again. It was easier to quit that last time and I didn't have all these withdrawal symptoms. I don't know why either. I don't know what the difference is between then and now. I wish I did so I could repeat the procedure or process.

Oh well, in a month all of this will be nothing more than a memory. I just hope the kids hold together better than we adults are. LOL As long as they remember the why, I'm sure they'll get through it just fine. So far, so good. Although I've been really good at not yelling at the kids, I sure have wanted to put a few things through the wall a time or two. LOL Ok, I'm done now, wish me luck!

I just finished a really good book by Vila Spiderhawk, Hidden Passages: Tales to Honor the Crones. If I do this right, you should be able to order it here. A fantastic book if I do say so myself. I had a hard time putting it down once I started reading it! There was so much wirtten in there that I could identify with that it was kind of spooky. Like she knew me inside and out. Maybe it's because I'm entering those Crone years that I was able to identify with so much in her book, I don't know, but I loved the book.

Just this week, I started the process of enrolling in an online college so I could go back to college, finish my associate's degree and then go forward from there to go on and get my bachelor's degree. I'm so excited about going back to school! It won't be quite the same as walking on campus and being with all the other new students, but it will be exhillerating and I think, very worthwhile.

I have a new man in my life that I swear is my soulmate. He seems to know so much about me and I him that it too is kind of spooky. We are almost to the point where we could finish each others' sentences! LOL Of course, he knows me so well too because we spent quite a bit of time together as kids. He and his family lived two doors down from me and my family when we both lived in Fort Myers, Florida. He was my first boyfriend, the first boy I had ever kissed (or that had kissed me) and my first heart break even though I broke up with him. To find out about 30 years later that we both thought of the other, dreamt of each other, and still had feelings for each other was kind of uncanny, ironic and spooky, to say the least. So, now we are engaged, so to speak. Unfortunately, I'm in New Jersey and he is still in Florida. It won't be until at least January of 2008 that I will get to see him again, in person. A picture is nice, but the real thing is always better. Right? We will see how things go from there, but I'm sure wedding bells are in the future for us. Yay for me again!

My son, Allen, graduates from college this December. I'm a proud mama that's for sure! Other than my father, no one else in our family ever went or finished college before, so he will the first. As far as I know, even on my son's father's side, no one else has gone to college or graduated either, so another first for him!

Ok, so that's about it for me for now. Gonna go and read my e-mail and see what's new with everyone else.

Blessed Be everyone!

I just realized that what I have posted so far doesn't say much about me and my life. LOL Leave it to me to be so mysterious without meaning to be.

 So, let's see, I'm 44 years old and have a 24 year old son. I live in New Jersey now after moving in with my sister and her family from the U.P. of Michigan. I lived up there for about 15 years.  Once my son went off to college, my family didn't want me to live alone with my health issues. My brother already lives with parents since his strokes over 5 years ago and I didn't want to put another burden on them with me, so, I moved in with my sister. So, now I live with her, her husband and their two girls who are 6 and 11 years old. My brother-in-law has a 13 year old from his previous marriage that comes to visit just about every weekend and for the whole summer. House full, huh? lol

I was born a witch and always knew I was "different" from a lot of others around me. Of course, I didn't know then that I was a witch. My mother and her mother were witches too, but I don't think they knew they were either. They didn't know how to teach us or even what to tell us when we three kids started showing "powers" that we didn't understand. I have a brother that is a year older than me and a sister that is three years younger than me.  My earliest memory of anything "abnormal" was when I was about four years old and I dreamt of us moving next door to a family that had two girls and boy. In my dream, I remember kissing the boy. Sure enough, we moved next door to this family and I just thought it was normal to have those kind of dreams.  I remember being able to predict deaths in the family and accidents before they occurred. We had all kinds of strange occurrences in the house we grew up in. That's another story though. LOL

Right now, as I said, I live with my sister and her family. Although my sister is pretty open to my path, her hubby is not. We are trying to teach the children how to use their "gifts" that are developing and showing themselves now. It's hard to do when daddy doesn't believe and they can't do anything or say anything while he is around. I have to keep most of my stuff hidden away. I can only do spells and rituals when he's asleep or working nights. It gets to be a little frustrating at times, but I guess you get used to it. Besides, I don't figure I'll live here forever with them and someday I'll have a place of my own again.

I guess that pretty much sums up my life right now. Of course, if there is anything else anyone wants to know about me, they can always ask.

BB to all!

PS. I can't get it to NOT highlight a group in the Publish To: box. Sorry, but there are no related blogs that I'm aware of, I just don't know how to unhighlight something that I didn't highlight to being with! LOL